Treblesteph's Blog

If you are an introvert or a multiple, this will make sense to you:


WARNING: This is long.

As I begin to enter my senior year of college (I still refuse to believe that this is about to happen) the first thing I always look back on is how these four years compare to my high school years. I can strongly say that I feel like I’m finally finding my voice after being quieted down for so many years back in high school.

However I have to say it all started back in lower school (or elementary school for those who aren’t familiar with the terminology). Small incidents here and there I recall myself and my sisters being blamed for. A broken bell. A dead fish. Writing on the bathroom wall. Breaking the classroom computer. Trivial things. From there is when I started to think that I was more different from others in my class than I thought but I couldn’t pinpoint what it was (more so than the fact that, well, they didn’t have siblings that were identical to them).

Middle school came and went but when high school rolled around and I felt myself losing more of my voice. I wasn’t Mack anymore. I was simply a “Quad” or a “Jackson” or just seen as one of four*. And even if that wasn’t the case that’s the impression I got. That’s what I felt and few people made me feel any different. How else would one feel when those who know you and know of you don’t bother to get your name right? Know your name but don’t even try to put it to your face? You feel like you don’t matter.

And, honestly, for most of high school I felt as if I didn’t matter. And that made me so frustrated. But not as frustrated as I felt when I realized that, those I’ve known for years, I couldn’t talk to. Yes, there were the normal topics like homework being due, a funny conversation we experienced, what projects were coming up. But past that I couldn’t talk to them.

And I never understood why. Part of the time I felt shut out on purpose so, after a while, I stopped trying. Another part of the time I felt as if I were nothing but a bother to them so, again, I stopped trying. But, now that I’m older, I finally figured out why I was so frustrated about it then and why I’m so frustrated now.

I didn’t know how to talk to them. Sure, it’s easy for some people to just get up and start talking to others but not me. In my mind it’s a whole five minutes of a mental prep talk just to get myself to open my mouth. I didn’t want to say something that could be taken the wrong way (which, looking back, I did a lot. I barely had a filter). I didn’t want to sound as if I didn’t know what I was talking about. I didn’t want to sound or say something stupid. So I would just sit and listen to what they were talking about, seeing what it was that got them excited and everything.

But it wasn’t until I started at Hollins that I realized that people took this as me being judgmental or coming off as I was better than everyone else. (This was told to my face. Usually people’s opinions of me don’t bother me but this one stuck). I finally understood. I finally understood that, back in high school, those people probably felt the same way.

Let me tell you, it sucks knowing things on the other end. I, for one, do not believe I’m better than anyone else. I didn’t quite understand why anyone would think that until I sat back and took the time to reflect. I didn’t like a lot of things that those in my graduating class liked i.e. tv shows, sports, music, games, etc. I had different taste. And I thought that was fine. But of course, hindsight is 20/20. What I thought was a normal response to someone’s inquiry came off as me sounding like what someone else liked was “stupid”. It’s not. I just didn’t like it.

For example, jokes that others would find funny. I just didn’t get why it was funny and, thus, didn’t laugh. Now I see that can easily be misconstrued as me thinking “I’m better than you because what you were laughing at was stupid”. It wasn’t. I, personally, just didn’t find it funny. And that should be okay. But I guess it wasn’t.

From then on I felt, deep inside, everything I did was wrong. I was constantly told/asked repetitive things: “You talk too loud.” “You’re talking too loud.” “Can you quiet down, please?” “Why do you talk so loud?” “You talk way too fast.” “You’re talking too fast.” And to others that was normal, but to me it made me slowly stay quiet. Who would want to say anything when you’re repeatedly told to be quiet/quiet down? And it didn’t stop there.

I felt blamed for a lot of goings on, things I still can’t wrap my head around. Such as those examples above and a few others that are blurry. Regardless, I and my sisters were accused of a lot of things we didn’t do (those of which would easily be cleared up if I were spoken to face-to-face). By that point my voice was practically gone and I just took it all. It almost felt normal to me to be not liked, or feel not liked anyway. I knew, by that point, there was no way I could ever talk it out and figured out if there was something I did, something we did, to be accused of countless things and get turned on because it wouldn’t matter. Opinions were made. Maybe it was just a bandwagon. A scapegoat. To this day I still don’t know what it is that was did or said that made it seem like I had a constant target on my head back then. Either way all I knew was to get through was to focus on school, my friends, and keep quiet.

I used to think there was something wrong with me for not having a clear-cut best friend. I saw others calling each other “besties” “BFFs” and other names of the sort. They’d hang out over the weekends, go on vacations, celebrate birthdays, that sort of thing. I always wondered why I never experienced that.

It wasn’t until I got to Hollins that I realized that that’s not what I want. I don’t want a circle of a lot of friends that I don’t know a lot about. I’m perfectly fine having a smaller, closer circle of friends that I know a lot about. No, I may not do things with them all of the time and I’m okay with that. I’m not the social type. I’m the sort to stay in and play video games instead of going out to recharge my batteries, so to speak. I can’t be around people all of the time. I need time to myself.

A family friend speaking about a personality test once over dinner was what started to me getting a firmer understanding of myself. I took the test and got a result of INTJ. Basically, I’m an introvert.

And figuring that out has made all of the difference. It was like I was slapped in the face with an epiphany of who I was.

And this is who I am: I’m sarcastic and have a dry sense of humor. Sometimes I’m a smartass. I find enjoyment out of a lot of simple things. I make a lot of jokes. I love reality shows and anything that has cooking involved. I absolute love video games. I still enjoy things from the 90s. I like cookie monster memorabilia (long story). I like anime and manga. I love reading and writing stories, it’s nice to be in a different world every now and then. Writing is the easiest way for me to get my feelings out, I’m not so good at public speaking or having to talk about my feelings. Sometimes I have little patience. I tend to put others before myself. Contrary to popular belief, roughly 75% of the time I don’t like the attention I get because I’m a quadruplet (it gets uncomfortable being stopped on the street or in the mall, especially with my friends around). And, above all, I love my sisters. That’s a given. (I still don’t get when people say to me they think we spend too much time together. A) I live with them so I kind of have to B) both schools I’ve gone to in my life as small so it’s obvious we’d be in the same classes and C) They’re my best friends. Nothing wrong with that. Would you rather we be at each other’s throats? No? I wouldn’t rather that, either).

So yeah, that’s me in a nutshell. You can either take it, leave it, or love it. Me, it took me a while, but I love it. Which was something I couldn’t say back in high school. It’s amazing how different you can look to yourself when you set both sections of four years of schooling side-by-side.


{October 8, 2012}   Jackson Quads Like Page

Okay everyone, if you remember from a while ago I posted about a book I wrote my my sisters entitled Two Pair – A Quadruple or Nothing Story.

Well for more info for that and other updates in our lives and for my book Lasso Me a Mom, head over to our Like page on Facebook: Jackson Quads.

Enjoy 🙂

{September 4, 2012}   I’M PUBLISHED

This is the cover to the book my sisters and I published today! It is on the amazon kindle for $2. Go check it out here.

{June 15, 2012}   Talk it Out!

Okay, so recently I was feeling kinda neglected by a friend and I needed to tell her. I would have preferred to tell her to her face but I don’t have my license yet (I will get it this summer) so I wrote her a letter. It took her a full week to call so we could talk and that full week was one filled with worrying stomach aches and paranoia on my part. But we talked and everything turned out fine.

If you all have a problem with a friend just talk to them about it. Sure, you can talk to another good friend to get their opinion but its best if you confront them head on either by talking to them in person or even writing a letter. Doing it over the phone is only a good idea if the recipient of your letter calls you.

Even if things don’t work out the way you want to, its best that you talk it out. I talked with my friend and we fixed everything and we’re still friends. Don’t keep things bottled up inside and don’t turn your talk into an argument. Just calmly explain why you feel the way you feel and I’m sure things will work out.

I know this isn’t like my usual upbeat, look on the bright side kind of posts but I need to get this out.

There’s something I never understood: since when did we become a society where using the word rape in a joking tone was accepted? Maybe the media has something to do with it. I mean Gossip Girl, Pretty Little Liars, and a couple of other shows basically send out the message that teacher/student relationships are common.

Rape isn’t a topic that anyone should take lightly. I hear from friends, acquaintances, and strangers a few of the following: “I raped that test.” “I’m not sunburned, I’m sun raped.” “That project raped me.”

Seriously, someone you know or in close proximity to could have possibly been raped and here you are joking about it. There are three things about society today that I don’t really like:

1) The word rape is used in jokes

2) Sex is way more casual now. Whatever happened to waiting until your married. Oh, and the term “making love”?

3) The over use of curse words. Guess what, they aren’t adjectives.

Valentine’s Day is where there’s an explosion of white, red, and pink shaped hearts and other decorations. Of course there’s a historical significance to this holiday but there are many times where I don’t think the holiday is needed.

Yes I am alone again on Valentine’s Day this year so I’m sure some of you will see this as bitterness. I don’t mind being alone. Over the years I have noticed how people act around this holiday and its made me stop and think about it. I have a few reasons as to why i don’t like the holiday:

1) Why do people use this one day to show their significant other that they care? I mean if I were in a relationship I would be happier if my boyfriend gave me a card or flowers or chocolate on some other random day. This way I don’t expect it, it shows that he cares, and he doesn’t have to do it because of the significance of the date.

2) Some people get super depressed when its Valentine’s Day and they aren’t in a relationship. So what? Why must you get depressed? You have family and friends who love you. You don’t need the opposite sex to show you that. And you definitely don’t need to send yourself flowers just to feel better. Grab another single friend and hang out for the day/night.

3) I feel like this holiday is just over the top and an excuse for any card chain store like Hallmark to sell cards and make a lot of profit.

Although I mentioned a lot of bad things towards the holiday, I can still find a positive outlook:

1) It’s the time of year where people can de-stress and look at the brighter side of things in life

2) It gives family and friends a reason to get together and to go out.

3) It’s the perfect excuse to eat tons of candy and not have a care in the world.

{December 1, 2011}   25 Days of Christmas!

{August 21, 2011}   Project 52 Update

Okay so I have a HUGE update about Project 52. I won’t be recording myself doing my random acts of kindness because i have realized a lot of set backs about it. I was planning on putting up fliers and many things around campus but you need to have permission first and most fliers put up are for school reasons. That pretty much knocks half of my list for random acts of kindness out of the water. That and I realized with school work and work and chorus and piano lessons I won’t have much time to go out every week to record what I’d like to do.

So Project 52 is a no go. However I will still be doing random acts of kindness. Cross your fingers, cause if you’re luck a random act of kindness will be coming your way. 🙂

PS – I’m looking for a partner in crime. Would anyone like to apply for the job? 🙂

{August 1, 2011}   1 Year Bloggiversary

Well it’s officially one year today that I started this blog. I have touched upon many different topics ranging from serious to somewhat humorous. Posts ranging from my writing to Harry Potter to Rugrats. I originally started this blog so people would get small samples of pieces I’ve been working on. That way I could get feedback and more people to read my work to have some sort of following as I aspire to be a writer. Eventually I would post about topics that people would be affected by; primarily, I was aiming to write about things people my age would understand. I would find topics to write about after reading the ‘news’ from AOL’s homepage. I aimed to post something once every month. I had only missed December and May.

As I enter my second year of college I know life will give me ample opportunities to post about more topics. So far I have accumulated approximately 4,000 hits to my site. Thank you to those of you who has followed me on this journey, have taken the time to comment, or have just read only 1 post. I average about 20 views per day. As long as you all keep reading, I plan to post more and more as the years fly by.

Thanks again!

Much love!


{July 20, 2011}   No Soda Summer Year 2: Week 8

Well Summer 2011 is the second year where I go all summer without soda. Last year I cracked about 4 times after I started. This year its gotten easier. It’s probably because I had more people to do it with.

This year Ty and I started out the No Soda Summer as a competition to see who could last the longest. We agreed that starting on June 1st we would stop drinking soda all summer. July 4th would be our cheat day because it’s a holiday and it can get very hot. Plus when people barbecue they usually have soda. A couple of days before we started Mrs. Hoppel decided to join in.

The day I decided to give up soda I had to help stack sodas that the Boy Scout Troop my dad is a part of sells. This is what I looked at when I entered the room after my declaration:

Let me assure you, when I first saw all of that soda I thought I made a huge mistake. So up until June 1st came I drank and drank and drank as much soda as I could in the day. I don’t really like the carbonation to it but the flavor I couldn’t get enough of. Soon the final day of March came and I drank my last bottle of Coke:

When June 1st came i thought it would be easy to get over it. I was wrong. I would crave it and I would always flinch whenever I hear the noise of a bottle being twisted open. Eventually I turned towards water and Arnold Palmer. As the weeks dragged on I found it easier to stray away from soda. I think if anything I just love flavored drinks.

Now I’m onto week 8 and I feel better than I did before. Ty isn’t in the competition anymore. He lasted quiet a while and I applaud him for trying. Mrs. Hoppel is still in the competition and is doing well.

With all of the water and Arnold Palmer I’ve been drinking I lost a few lbs. I don’t have much of a craving for flavored drinks anymore, though I will always love Arnold Palmer. I think after this year I can do it again next year and not have a cheat day.

et cetera